just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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