I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize