She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
