the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
