Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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