we're chasing vodka with high fives
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize