this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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