We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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