I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
