Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
