Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just google imaged poop.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
