omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
