ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
