we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
