I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
