Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
