and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
