hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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