Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
