Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
