is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
