I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize