just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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