i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
