i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
