Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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