And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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