I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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