i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Vodka?
Forever.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
