We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
