I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
