I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
