So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Slut skills are useful in every country.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
