Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
