You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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