I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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