bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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