I never want to see another naked old woman again.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
