it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You can't special order awesome
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
