We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
