My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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