do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
