Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
