Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
