I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
