I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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