: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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