My sheets look like a crime scene.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
