You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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