Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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