when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
