I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
