you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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