don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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