her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
