i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
the day after is always just damage control
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
