The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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