Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
