Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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