hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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