I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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