You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
