I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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