My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
