so explain again why im purple
no
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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