He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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