he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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