what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
