thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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