Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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