i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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