I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
