After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize