im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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