the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
try to milk me bitch
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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