Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
