help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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