and i looked up. we had an audience...
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
